Parasite

I feel so sick and so alone.
I need fulfillment but inside me is a parasite;
eating my innards one by one.
Little by little it becomes me
and I become the parasite.

The parasite took away my love for life
and replaced it with pessimism and self-pity.
I am disgusted of it but I can't get it out.
I want to pull it out and clean my soul of its dirt.
I seek consolation by blocking my emotions
and denying the senses.
Yet I wonder if numbness can make me stronger.
Though it acts like a shield,
it does not recognize what things are to be kept out.
It imprisoned my soul.

I feel like a box and within it are trapped voices.
I feel like a book waiting to be read
so that I may come alive.
I am tired of locking memories in.
I need to be in control of myself.
I need me.
I need my body and my soul back.
I need to become human.