On the Verge of Lunacy

Note: I wrote this for my fiance a few years back. I've also posted this at Writing.com before (see links). I am consumed by your love that was once only a spark of admiration. You set it afire and the tongues of flame, flames of longing and desire, took over me. Everyday that we get closer I burn with the desire to touch you, to kiss you. I want to look into your eyes so I can find my soul in them. My happiness I know I can only find in your arms. I know I'll be complete just lying beside you in bed and hearing your heart beat. There is a special connection between us. Something beyond our understanding. A force so strong it broke our shields of hatred, distrust and loneliness. A force that brought two lonely souls together. There is a music played especially for us. Take me and dance with me. Hold me close and let our bodies speak for our hearts. I see eternity in your eyes. And as I think of this, I can't help but ask myself if this is true because o...

I feel so sick and so alone. I need fulfillment but inside me is a parasite; eating my innards one by one. Little by little it becomes me and I become the parasite. The parasite took away my love for life and replaced it with pessimism and self-pity. I am disgusted of it but I can't get it out. I want to pull it out and clean my soul of its dirt. I seek consolation by blocking my emotions and denying the senses. Yet I wonder if numbness can make me stronger. Though it acts like a shield, it does not recognize what things are to be kept out. It imprisoned my soul. I feel like a box and within it are trapped voices. I feel like a book waiting to be read so that I may come alive. I am tired of locking memories in. I need to be in control of myself. I need me. I need my body and my soul back. I need to become human.

How much is a worth of a woman? How do you tag prices on her? by her physical beauty? by how good a cook she is? by her need for someone to protect her? by the satisfaction you get in bed with her? or by her vulnerability that makes you appear stronger? What is a woman to you? Should strength be measured by the use of the intellect or by compassion? Do women need to be in history books to be considered powerful? Are women just holes waiting for something to be inserted in them? Are women just the mothers of your children? Are wives just free houseserveants? If a woman is weak, why are you under her spell? Why is she worth fighting for? Is she just a prize of your manliness?

Photo taken by Cassie I watched you with awe and fear as your beauty and darkness excite my emotions. To the naked eye, you are a still object Silhouetted against an eerie background. But to my eyes, you seem to dance across the empty sky. Your light moves around the roundness of your body. Your pale yellow color accentuates the art of death beneath you. Your shape is like the Cyclops’s eye, staring out and lording over the mere mortals like us, who take time to rejoice in your beauty. You are the queen of darkness; a light to the somber side of the earth. As you ascend above the night sky, you transform into a harmless creature. Your white light becomes elusive. No one can ever tell which side is the real side of you. Whether it be good or bad, you have done wonders by your infinite silence, and unnoticed deceit, dear Moon.

Sad eyes that don’t twinkle wink back at me their sorrow and loneliness. Sad eyes that cry with no tears telling me to search for the light that never shone. Sad eyes weary, tired and lifeless try to hide the soul its desires and dreams Sad eyes their beauty fading in blind pretension and mashed bravery Sad eyes that don’t twinkle are enveloped in darkness as I close my sad eyes. Minnie the dog. Photo taken by Cassie.

I’ve got to get out of here! But I don’t like people from outside I hear murmurs inside my head, I’m getting crazier everyday. Someone’s at the door But he’s knocking at the opposite room. I’m locked in my seat But I don’t want to be free. This is my home, my sanctuary. And a prison, I should say. I see shadows sneaking behind closed windows. They’re branches, trying to scare you. A faint beating in my temples starts to annoy me. I hear myself talking from within. I touched the cold white walls And I felt colder inside. There’s emptiness in me; A void of consuming blackness beneath my consciousness. I shook off that feeling Of sudden loneliness, I felt that hollowness again. I looked in the mirror to examine my face And I traced the contours of a twisted, ruined flesh. I looked into the eyes that were staring at me I saw my future in a bleak and dangerous world. I stood up to test my legs and raised my arms to see if they’re still moving. Then suddenly I felt ...

Worth is synonymous with price. We have prices placed on our heads. Worth is not given to you by yourself. It comes from what others see in you. Worth. You cannot escape people, it’s them that place your worth in this world. ********** IN SE CU RI TY WI LL EA TA WA YY OU RS EL FW OR TH

Photos taken by Cassie The will that drove me to do things At first burned with a consuming flame But fear and rejection Smothered the conflagration. Mighty as it might have been I did not sustain it. Desire which never lasted made the heart weary of the future. In darkness the heart dwells. I walked blindly, guided by desire Only to be led to a dead end Where the last hope withered and died. Even the light that was once bright Was eaten away by darkness Darkness that grows and grows Which confusion has cloaked my heart. In fear, weakness overcomes the light But through darkness I know I exist There is no hope that I might come out Of that hole where light cannot escape. A hole that drags an already confused self Squeezing out every drop of its humanity And sucks everything that is worthy of life To transform it into eternal emptiness. Voices call out for mercy And pained hearts paint everything black In this tunnel where I walk I search for something to hold on, In infinite e...

Photo taken by Cassie Shrill cries of mortal pain have awakened the dead souls in hell. The metallic odor of the sticky red fluid stenched the dry plains. To the beat of the drums and the strange chant of the high priest, the people fall into trance and welcome their death. Blood for life. Blood for a year's harvest. Victims being maimed,burned, dragged, hanged and drowned litter the hungry earth. Headless corpses shake violently. Scattered limbs reach out for what was left of their dignity. The precious human skin is peeled off from its living owner. Blood for life. Blood for a year's harvest. Men become cattles,animals, useless sinners awaiting for their judgment. Their blood ensuring the earth's fertility. Stacked skulls decorate the roads. Torches illuminate lonely shadows behind empty sockets. Souls searching for answers and for justice. Blood for life. Blood for a year's harvest. Death gives way for life. Life feeds death. Such is the fate of soldiers, warriors o...

akoy naghuhumapis, aking anak na heto ka at nagsusukab nang isinambulat bahong di akin, at sabihing akoy nahhimbing. paglingap sa inyoy walang halaga datapwat akoy inyong binaka; ipamintakasang kayoy inaglahi pati si ama inyong isinali. kayong binihisan at tinuruan, pagkatao nonyoy kaning kadluan, kayoy nasalag mula sa kamatayan ng pinopoon nyong sinisiraan. ngunit naririmlan kang mrahil at ngayoy nais mo kong lisanin isipin anak ang iyong pakikipagmoog ay marahil iyong ikalugmok kayat tahan na at matulog kalimutan ang mga himutok sundin na lamang aking payo pagkat kabutihan moy ako lang nakatatarok.

mula sa luwad kayoy aking nilikha tulad ng aking anyo at hitsura hinipan ng hangin ng buhay upang ang mundoy bigyan ninyo ng kulay isinambulat ang mga biyayang kayrami upang maging kasiya-siya ang inyong paglagi ang tubig, hangin, mga hayop at halaman sa inyoy ipinagkatiwala upang palaguin at pangalagaan nang lumawig ay nalimutan ang pangakong ito pagkat sa inyong mga ninanasa ay unti-unti kayong nalugmok mga bagay sa inyo ay ipinagwalang -bahala sa paninira ninyoy nawala ang lahat akoy naghuhumapis sa inyong pagkalisya tuloy sumagi sa akin ng bigla, panong napunta ang lahat sa wala at dustain ang mga ibinygay sa inyo sa pangwawalat? dinggin ang aking himutok upang ang katotohanan ay inyong matarok na sa inyong pamamalagi sa mundo kakambal niyo ang tungkuling kalingain ang gantimpalang ito.